It’s been a while since I have posted an update. I don’t think it is because I didn’t have anything worth writing about in so much as I have been reluctant to share how debilitated I have felt over the past several weeks. But I am starting to gradually realize that being open about such things may put me on the road to empowerment and that in the cancer game, owning my lows is as important as presenting my highs.

The hepatic artery infusion pump that lives on the left side of my abdomen was inserted via a 4-5 inch incision under my skin in September. A couple of months ago the incision got infected, which may have led to some healing issues that continue to give me a hard time. I had to go back to the operating room about three weeks ago to get the incision repaired. Unfortunately it still is a bit leaky and not fully healed.

The upside here is that from a treatment standpoint, things are going really well. I am tolerating the post-operative chemotherapy very well and the hepatic pump itself is working just fine. But having to constantly change gross dressings for weeks is just another reminder of how shitty all of this is. I know that this wound will eventually heal but frankly I am tired of healing. I want to be healed.

At this point I have about 6 more cycles of systemic chemotherapy and just a couple of more cycles through my intrahepatic pump. All things equal, I go into surveillance after that. To me that translates to going back to work, taking a vacation, having a couple of fingers of whiskey in a dark sticky bar in the East Village.

Of course nothing is certain. I take one day at a time. I started talking to a therapist last week, and she validated my decision to hold back on fully reflecting on what we have been through since June 2. I don’t think I have the courage yet to do so, in fact even thinking about attempting it causes me to lose sleep.

I do think there are brighter days ahead and I have hope for the most important Spring of my life. But till then I keep my head down and keep moving on this jagged path.

~ Sachin

P.S. – On Sunday, February 10, 2024, Sapana and I will be leading Sachin’s Slayers, our team for MSK’s Cycle for Survival. We are raising funds to aid MSK’s effort for rare cancer research. Thank you to all who have already contributed. If you would like to donate, tomorrow 12/28 is a great date, as MSK will be matching donations. Please see the link below:

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